Folks, let me tell you, when we talk about trade, we’re talking about America. The land of opportunity! Home of the brave! And let’s not forget – the birthplace of the cheeseburger! Now, some people, not you, of course, but some people think free trade agreements (FTAs) are about handing jobs to other countries on a silver platter. Believe me, they couldn’t be more wrong! Let’s dive into how we can have FTAs that scream “Made in the USA” and keep our hardworking Americans employed.
1. Keep It American, Folks!
First things first: any deal that doesn’t put American jobs, American products, and American pride front and center is no deal at all. Picture this: we negotiate deals where countries must buy our soybeans, our F-150s, our world-class denim. Think of it as the “America First Shopping List.”
Creative product idea? “American Gold” Trade Labels, a shiny, gold sticker on every product exported under these deals. It’s a badge of honor! If it’s good enough for Trump Tower, it’s good enough for America.
2. Make It Big, Make It Bold
Why settle for small deals? Think huge. I mean massive. We’re talking deals with countries that love our cars, our corn, and yes, even our reality TV shows. You know it, I know it – the world loves us. Let’s use that to our advantage.
Here’s a tip: “Freedom Farms Export Box.” These are curated, subscription-based packages that ship the best of America, our apples, bourbon, and even Harley Davidson merch, directly to international buyers. We’re not just exporting products; we’re exporting culture.
3. Tariffs, But Make Them Fun
Nobody likes tariffs. They sound so serious! But what if we made them a game? For example, if a country wants to flood our market with cheap steel, we say, “Sure, but first, you have to take 1,000 American-made trucks.” It’s like a buy-one-get-one deal but for international trade. Win-win, right?
For the everyday American? Patriot Points App! Each purchase of an American-made product earns you points, redeemable for discounts on iconic American items like baseball tickets or BBQ grills.
4. Let’s Talk Jobs, People
Every trade deal should have a “Jobs for Americans” clause. That means for every factory a foreign company opens in their country, they open two here. Sounds fair, doesn’t it? We’ve got the talent, the resources, and the best workforce in the world, let’s use it.
And get this: “Hire American, Win American” Campaign. Businesses that hire 75% American workers get federal grants and, let’s face it, the bragging rights of a lifetime.
5. Energy Dominance, It’s Tremendous
Energy is the backbone of our economy, folks. Let’s export our clean coal, our natural gas, and our innovative solar tech (yes, we do it all!). Imagine a world where every foreign city lights up because of American energy. Beautiful, isn’t it?
Introducing “Light Up the World – American Edition.” A program where American energy companies partner with developing countries to bring electricity, powered by the red, white, and blue.
6. Fair Trade, Not Fake Trade
We’re all about fairness. If a country imposes a 25% tax on our goods, we do the same. Simple math, people! And believe me, we’ll make deals so fair, even your high school algebra teacher would approve.
How about this? “Global Trade Fair Challenge.” A yearly expo where American businesses showcase products abroad, proving that when it comes to quality, nobody beats us.
7. Farmers: The Backbone of America
Our farmers? Heroes. Let’s create FTAs that guarantee a massive boost for agriculture. Corn, soybeans, wheat – you name it, we’re selling it.
Farmers could benefit from “Plow to Plate Deals.” Countries commit to buying a percentage of their imports from American farmers, ensuring our produce feeds the world.
8. Manufacturing Renaissance, It’s Happening
Manufacturing is coming back, bigger and better. Every trade agreement should incentivize companies to make their products right here. Think about it: a booming auto industry, revitalized steel mills, and innovation centers popping up in every state.
Here’s the pitch: “Build It Better Grants.” Companies manufacturing in the U.S. get support for infrastructure, research, and marketing. Let’s show the world what American ingenuity can do.
The Final Word
Ladies and gentlemen, trade deals don’t have to be boring. They don’t have to hurt American jobs. With creativity, bold ideas, and a little bit of Trump-style flair, we can have FTAs that make sense, bring back jobs, and make America, say it with me, great again.
So, let’s do this, folks. Let’s craft deals that work for the American worker, the American farmer, and the American dreamer. After all, nobody does trade better than us. Believe me, folks, we’ve got this!